There are many names for negative self talk; Mind Monkeys, Stinking Thinking, Negative Nellie, Doubting Dianne… the list seems endless. They all mean the same - you are usually your worst critic. If you are not your worst critic you probably have a toxic relationship that you need to get out of as soon as possible or you have no need for this post.
Do you have a toxic friend? You know the kind I am talking about. Nothing is ever good enough for them. Their kids do not call enough. They do not like their job. Now, we all have bad days and we need to vent to our friends that do not judge us, however here is the definition of Negative Nellie: They are victims. They refuse to acknowledge the phone works both ways and they might be part of the problem. Everything is someone else’s fault; the world is out to get them. Are YOU that toxic friend?
I have a friend who calls negative thinking “living in the victim-hood”. It is time to move out of the hood and into happiness. Pay attention to what is happening between your ears. I am not saying it will be easy; you might need therapy if you have come out of a toxic relationship. For many of us it can be as simple as thinking about what we are thinking.
Have you ever told yourself, “I never get what I want.” or “I am stupid at numbers.”? When these types of thoughts pop into your head stop them and think about what you are thinking. Are you really not getting what you want or is what you are getting simply never enough? Are you constantly looking over the fence and seeing greener grass?
Take an honest look at your life and business. Do you really need a bigger house? I shared a bedroom my entire childhood and I think I turned out pretty well. Do you need a vacation home or a third car? Many times it is more cost effective to rent an extra car or home as needed instead of purchasing and paying for the upkeep.
Are you stressed because your business does not bring in as much money as your competition’s business? Perhaps you are not asking the right questions. Why does your business need to make more than your competitor’s business? Does your business provide a comfortable lifestyle for you? Does it allow you the time and freedom to focus on what you want to do away from your business? Sometimes the grass is actually greener on your side of the fence if you would take a moment to look at it.
Now if you really are not getting what you want you need to stop those negative thoughts when they pop into your head and CHOOSE a positive action. Is your business failing? What can you do to improve it? Do you need outside help? Do you need to close up shop and work for someone else? Running a business is hard or everyone would be doing it. Perhaps your business model is simply not viable at this time and a few years of working for the “man” may be just what you need to rethink your business strategy.
Do your kids hate you? What can you do to improve your relationship? If they still live at home a family fun outing every Saturday may help. If there are deep issues family therapy may be necessary. If your kids are grown and refuse to talk to you you may need to let go and accept the fact that they are not ready.
Bad events do happen and you need to grieve or whatever the situation calls for. Give yourself that time. When you are ready to move on or let go you need to be vigilant and combat those negative emotions.
You have to be your be your own cheerleader when those negative thoughts are in your head. Your friends and your family can not read your mind. They do not know when that voice is screaming in your head and you need kind words right this instant. Take a few minutes and write yourself a personal pep talk. Two to five sentences about why you are the bomb. Make sure it includes your strengths and your goals and read it out loud when you need a mental boost.
Banish your negative thoughts and your confidence will grow.
Until next time…
Have a great day,
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